Good Counselling Skills for Effective Therapy
The primary goal of counselling is to help people work through problems using structured conversation, reflection, and practical strategies. A range of skills are required for effective counselling, some of which can be learned by completing a counselling degree.
Effective counselling is less about giving advice and more about creating the conditions for insight, emotional processing, and behaviour change. Strong outcomes depend on a clear approach, a safe therapeutic relationship, and matching the right helper to the right problem.
For an overview of how counselling and psychotherapy are defined and what supports effectiveness, see the Australian Institute of Family Studies resource: Defining and delivering effective counselling and psychotherapy.
Here are some of the qualities you should be looking for when choosing a counsellor, or that you should be developing if you want to become a successful counsellor. As you read, keep one practical decision point in mind: if you need help with a complex or high-risk mental health condition, ask about referral pathways and clinical scope rather than assuming every “counsellor” offers the same type of care.
1. Genuineness – Being Real
Genuineness is not just a technical skill. It is a core therapeutic quality. A counsellor needs to be present, consistent, and emotionally steady while clients share difficult stories. Genuineness shows up as congruence between what the counsellor says and what they do, and a calm willingness to sit with the reality of a client’s experience without performing, preaching, or switching into “fix-it” mode.
In practice, being real means communicating warmth and respect, acknowledging uncertainty when appropriate, and staying grounded when sessions become intense. This kind of reliability supports trust and makes change more likely over time.
2. Ability to Listen
Effective listening as a professional counsellor is a basic skill. A good counsellor listens not only to what is being said, but also how it is being said, and what might be avoided. Listening also includes noticing emotion, pace, tone, and shifts in confidence or distress.
The most important thing a counsellor should be able to do is listen without judging or evaluating. Some clients arrive with complicated issues and need a space where they can speak freely. For example, a father may complain about how much child support he is paying. Whatever your personal reactions, you need to listen and try to understand his perspective before moving toward insight or practical steps.
Clients should feel they can share without fear of being mocked, dismissed, or pushed into a conclusion. In short, they must trust you to be respectful, confidential, and supportive. If trust is weak, progress is usually limited no matter how skilled the counsellor is.
3. Self-Reflection
Another important counselling skill is self-reflection. A professional counsellor monitors their own reactions, assumptions, and blind spots so they do not contaminate the work. This includes noticing when you feel impatient, protective, judgmental, or overly certain, and then returning attention to the client’s needs.
Self-reflection also includes reflective practice between sessions. That can mean reviewing what worked, what did not, where rapport strengthened or weakened, and what skills you need to improve. When appropriate, counsellors use supervision or consultation to keep their work ethical, clear, and effective.
4. Flexibility
A good counsellor is flexible and has a working understanding of different client needs and contexts. Every client is different in experience, background, and readiness for change. Flexibility includes being able to shift pace, adjust communication style, and choose an approach that fits the client rather than forcing every person into the same template.
Flexibility also includes identifying when the counsellor-client match is not working. Being able to refer the client to another counsellor or health specialist who is better positioned to help is a trademark of good counselling skills. A good counsellor cannot offer all things to all clients.
5. Sense of Humour
Counsellors often hear uncomfortable, traumatic, and difficult stories. When used carefully and respectfully, gentle humour can reduce tension, strengthen rapport, and help a client feel more human and less trapped inside a problem. It should never minimise pain, override emotion, or turn the session into entertainment.
The practical skill here is judgment: knowing when humour is welcome, when it is avoidant, and when it would damage trust. Used well, it can support connection and resilience.